Sure enough. Biggest surprise ever. We did not plan this at all and did not intend to have two so close in age.
Just to be sure I took another test.
Rob was concerned it was a baby estimator. No, it's a weeks from conception. So by doctor time frames that meant 4-5 weeks pregnant.
To begin the progression I went ahead and took a "belly shot"
So now I will chronicle pregnancy 2.0 along with Xavier's growth and development.
So far this pregnancy (as of 12/7) has been tiring and I've had some nausea but it could also have been stress (I found out right before starting my new job). But the biggest thing has been nightmares. I've had dreams I was "lactating" blood. That fast zombies or violent meth heads were chasing me. That Xavier was stolen from me in a grocery store and when I tried to fight for him I was just banned from the store.
It has also been interesting because I am still nursing Xavier. So I know that will have its own challenges.
12/14/13
Yesterday was my first prenatal appointment. I had a placement/dating ultrasound as I expected I would. The baby is measuring 6w1d and the official due date is 8/7/14. Yes. Due date is Xavier's 2nd birthday. Lovely.
It was kind of interesting. The tech said the heart looked like it had just started beating within the last day or so. Same thing happened with Xavier. He had some difficulty finding the right ovary but when he did he said that it was the one that released the egg. So that was kind of interesting to know I guess. Lol
There was a small pool of blood opposite the baby. They were concerned if I'd had cramping or spotting. I have only had small cramps which I thought were normal especially since they happen primarily when I've been working too hard/ lifting too much. The OB said some spotting would be ok but if there was heavy bleeding to let them know.
So that's where we are at! The OB said I may need to wean Xavier later in the pregnancy. I've consulted with my local La Leche League leaders and confirmed it should be safe to continue if I want to. I think at this point I'll leave the decision to wean up to Xavier. Right now he is no where ready.
The baby is that little white section in the black blob to the right. I could see it and it's heart beating right away even though the tech commented "Oh your baby is very small!" I tried to tell them I was at most 6 1/2 or 7 weeks but they still seemed surprised.
12/17
So today I weighed and I'd list another 2lbs since I last weighed myself. It's OK. I can stand to lose and this early it isn't a problem. Maybe my dream of actually losing weight after pregnancy will be a reality. I mean I understand that EVENTUALLY I will gain because 2.0 will be gaining weight but then after they're born I'll lose that weight and maybe keep losing nursing two babies.
Here's a picture I took this morning.
In kind of scary news, I got my lab results. Progesterone was a little low so they called in a supplement. Then this afternoon I saw I was spotting and was feeling cramps. I've been pushing the water and went ahead and took one of the supplements as soon as I got home. I've not still been crampy and the spotting has mostly just been light so the nurse wasn't too concerned. I'm trying to take it as easy as I can with an active 16 month old. Trying not to lift him and whatnot. It's difficult!
12/18
And I have lost it. Cramping got worse and in the early morning hours I passed it.
It is now 12:15 in the afternoon. I got a call from the doctor's office at about 8:30am and they asked me to come in at 9:30. I finally got out of the doctor's office at 11. They confirmed what I already knew. I had already passed everything. It is completely gone. Without getting too gory, I saw the embryo, I saw the bubble it was in. I saw the placenta. I knew it was over. But now it is officially over. I am still a mommy of 2. Just one of them I will never get to see grow up. I know that when there are miscarriages like this, there was likely something genetically wrong so it is just nature taking its course.
The doctor said that if we wanted to try again we could after I had 3 normal cycles. Knowing that my cycles are kind of crazy with my PCOS and with breastfeeding it could be 6 months or a year before I will have had 3 normal cycles. We do intend to try again. The doctor has said as a precaution he wants me to start taking prometrium (the progesterone supplement) as soon as I get my positive test. Luckily I have a whole bottle ready to go. Hopefully it doesn't expire or anything.
I couldn't bear to just flush the embryo. Maybe this is gross or disturbing to some but I actually had caught it in my hand and I have buried it. It didn't seem right to flush it.
I'm glad I had randomly selected today as a vacation day. I don't think I could have stood to be at work today and I didn't have any more "sick" days left.
The rest of the holiday season will be hard. Especially since we were so looking forward to sharing the news with everyone on Christmas morning. And because the family pictures we took we had only brought Xavier's "big brother" shirt. I didn't even think to bring a second shirt, so our only family pictures are a reminder of the little brother or sister that Xavier will never know on this earth in this life. Yes, he will always be that baby's big brother, but I don't really know if or when it will ever be mentioned as he is still so young.
And so, sorry to end a post on such a downer. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I grieve the loss of a child. Though it was less than 2 months old, it did have a heartbeat. It was a child. It was a life. Please pray that when the time is right God will help us conceive again and that the next time we will get to watch it grow up.
Thank you.
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